Let me put a disclaimer out there. I speak in broad generalities. In addition, if what I’m about to say TRULY rubs you the wrong way, feel free to message me about it, or call me on my shit below. We can have a discussion about it.

Kids.

Hang on, I’m not pissed at kids in general. Hell, I may be turning into a curmudgeonly old man, but I still don’t mind kids. I just have some things I’d like to say.

First. Please teach your kids respect. One of my friends actually has taught her kids to open doors for people and be polite, just in general. That is amazing, and a perfect example of what I’m talking about. I was in a Wal-Mart once trying to check out at the automotive counter. Honestly, the smell of tires is euphoric to me for some reason, and it’s a quicker damn line. Win/win. This lady ahead of me had a kid who was bellowing at the top of his lungs about something. I really couldn’t catch because all I heard was the mom, in a flat, dead inside voice say “stop. stop. stop. stop it. stop it. stop it. seriously.” This mantra of hers repeated the whole time as was the perfect jackhammer in this kids noisy fucking street. She was not even embarrassed. She calmly stared dead ahead. So, staving off all desire to shake the both of them, I just looked away.

That is until I felt a tiny fist pound on my foot.

I looked down in horror, as this kid had thrown himself on the ground, and started pounding on it, and my foot. I let him hit me for at least a good thirty seconds while I tried to grasp this. Finally, the mom picks him up, and drags him to the counter. There, she propped him up against it, while she checked out. Pinning him with her knees on either side of his torso. He then proceeds to go motherfucking Rocky Balboa on her sides. I mean, this kid could have put Tyson down. Well, Tyson now, not Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out Tyson.

When I was a kid, my mom or my dad would have pulled me aside and threatened me within an inch of my life if I pulled that shit at home, and in public? Wow, I can’t even imagine the legendary ass beating because I never pulled stunts like that! This kid clearly knows no boundaries, rules, or has any respect, and he’ll grow up to be a selfish piece of shit.

Second: I hate, HAAAAAAATE the idea of private, religious schools. I’m mainly leveling my shotgun of hate at the christian schools around here, but if anyone knows of any other religious schools in this area, feel free to let me know, and I’ll hate them too. Private religious schools, or “Faith Factories”, as I like to call them may do a fine job in teaching your kids some things. Hell, they may even do a good job teaching your kid manners, but I refuse to believe that they offer a broad world view of things. They say themselves that they teach a faith based doctrine. You can teach someone about faith. You can’t teach someone to HAVE faith. That is something someone either develops on their own, or they don’t. Also, I believe in having a broad world view. Now, I was fortunate that one of my dad’s many obsessions was religion. To that end, we joined the Baha’i faith. To boil it down to it’s real basic teachings, all prophets are messengers of god, and all religions worship the same god. Other than that, it’s like most other religions. Do this, don’t do that, quit being a dick. I never had a problem with that last one until this past decade. Anyway, a school that teaches a faith based doctrine can’t possibly let kids make their own decisions regarding faith, or what they believe in. They are teaching them one way, and one way only. That is fascism, if you ask me.

Third. Home schooling may be a great way to protect your kid from the scary outside world but it leaves them unprepared to deal with social situations on their own. I really hate to say this, but I’m of the firm belief that kids need public schools to give them a starter course on life. Life is a jungle. Life is cruel. Life is also amazing, fun, and wonderful. You can only protect them for so long. Eventually, you have to let them go, or they will have to figure out how to act in social situations when they should have a good grasp on it. I’m also aware of parents taking their kids to parks, and what not to have social interaction. Sorry, that is still supervised by you. Kids need to make mistakes.

A good example of my argument JUST HAPPENED. A 22 year old soldier in Fayetteville, North Carolina was stalking and raping women who he KNEW were alone while their husbands were deployed or out on duty at Fort Bragg. This 22 year old even had huts built where he kept stockpiles of guns, knives, and ammo, so he could stalk them more efficiently. There are nine rapes he is being held accountable for, with more suspected. This 22 year old model citizen is the product of a strict religious, home schooled upbringing. His parents were both ministers, and they even worked alongside one of their local large mega-churches. They were so strict that if someone appeared on TV in a bathing suit, they would immediately change the channel. Oh, and did I mention this guy is a Tulsan? Thanks, buddy.

Additionally, I realize that any one of you can say “You don’t have/wan’t kids, so you can’t tell me how to raise mine”. You’re right. I can’t Nor would I force my beliefs on you. However, just because I don’t have/want kids doesn’t invalidate my opinions. I was a kid, after all. I saw the mistakes my parents made. I see the mistakes other parents make, and while I feel like my opinion is right, you probably feel just as strongly that yours is too.

The bottom line is, I had a rough childhood, both at home, and at school. I empathize with the need to shelter your kids from that. Still though, I wouldn’t trade my experiences growing up. Well, maybe the one where the girl said I raped her. That sucked.