The past twenty four hours have been fraught with mishaps, adventure, and running. I’ve been wanting to write all damn day because I’ve been inspired by this new blog my friend Brock turned me on to.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

It’s seriously funny stuff.

Anyway, last night my good friend Rhys came over, and he, the wife, and I watched No Country For Old Men. I had not seen it yet, and it’s a slow paced, amazing movie. I finally got to see this man in action. 

Creepy, and my new best friend.

I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Before we started the movie, Rhys and I were chatting about important things like space, and that time I crammed 14 full size marshmallows in my mouth on a bet. It’s harder than it sounds folks. So we were chatting, and I said, “Hey, Rhys” and he said “What’s up, kid” and I said, “You know what would fuel two hipsters like us?” and he said “Mafukkin Edamame”, to which I heartily said “Word”. So, I rambled on over to the microwave, tossed in the bag, and hit COOK DIS SHIT. The microwave chimed into action

and then promptly died.

I was taken aback. I pushed the buttons, and kind of had a moment like I was a stray dog, and my other stray dog friend got hit by a car. I nudged it, and whined, but nothing. 

“Rhys”, I said. He looked at me all smiles and said “Edamame time?”. I took a deep breath and informed him of the bad news. 

Now, I don’t know if you know Rhys, but he has a very explosive personality. The room immediately got darker around him, as he whispered the word “what?” I tried to soothe him with promises of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and he yelled out “JELLY IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL, AND YOU SIR ARE A HERETIC!! BURN FOR YOUR SINS!!!”

Luckily his lighter was out of fluid. 

Well, we got him soothed with turkey and cheese on wheat, but that was a close one. I don’t see how his wife handles his inappropriate temper. She is a saint.

Anyway, I went to bed directly after the movie cause I had to be up at 3:30a to get ready for work. I woke up, showered, and happily went off to my job. While there I got to speak with a man named Jim Taser.

Jim Taser called us because his password was not working. Jim Taser works with very important systems. Systems that Jim Taser needs access to immediately. Let me tell you something, folks. When Jim Taser asks you to do something, you just do it. Feeling like I was finally part of Team Taser, I reset his password, and he attempted to log on to his very important system. What follows is a brief transcript.

Me: There you are, sir!

Jim Taser: Ok, it’s prompting me for a new password.

Me: That’s normal. What you’ll want to do is pick a password of at least eight characters, with uppercase letters, lowercase letters, and numbers in any combination.

Jim Taser: Ok. How do I make capital letters?

Now, I was taken aback at this. I mean, I know Jim Taser has to worry about adventuring and punching evil Doctor Bee Mouth in the face, so I went ahead and answered him politely, feeling like the science member of Team Taser.

Me: Hold Ctrl, and hit your key.

Jim Taser: That makes sense.

NO IT DOES NOT BECAUSE I WAS SO TAKEN ABACK AT YOU NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO THIS THAT I SCREWED IT UP!!! My audition for Team Taser was not going well, folks.

Me: Wait, I’m sorry. It’s the shift key.

Jim Taser: Oh. No problem.

Me: *fist pump*

Jim Taser: Ok, it doesn’t like my password. 

Me: Well, what did you use?

Jim Taser: Letters and numbers.

Me: ……. Good. What letters and numbers?

Jim Taser: Oh. 123456jt

Me: *grinding teeth* Oh, ok. That’s not going to work, Mr. Taser.

Jim: Well, I don’t know what to do.

Me: *in a commanding voice* Here’s what we’re gonna do, Taser. What’s your favorite sports team?

Jim Taser: The Giants

Me: Great, and what year were you born?

Jim Taser: Fifty-Five

Me: Ok, so make your password Giants55.

Jim Taser: Hey, hey! That worked!! You’re a genius!

And that ended my audition for Team Taser. I hope to have a call back soon. 

Also at work, we have this Instant Message software. We all get into various group chats and talk about nonsense to let off steam. Now, I’m a morning person, so it’s no big deal for me to be bright eyed and busy haired, when I go somewhere. These guys in chat were more of the night owl persuasion, so I related my story about summer school.

My english summer school teacher taught me that you have to treat morning like you’re a recovering addict. Once you get out of bed, the hardest part of your day is over. It’s easy to just lay in bed. It’s hard to face the day. That advice has always stuck with me. He also had an awesome story about cheeseburgers and euthanasia, but that’s for another time. Anyway, this story, that I felt was inspirational was met with “You went to a weird school.”

Asshats.

Well, I ended up starting to feel really sick, and went home. I got home, and laid down around noon.

POWER NAP FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS

I woke up with my sweet wife stroking my hair. We had made the decision earlier today that I was going to attempt jogging today. This is a big deal for me, because I don’t run….. anywhere…… ever. However, many folks have recently come into my life who make running out to be the best thing since bananas and mustard. 

So, I went for it today. I ran in intervals of one minute on, and one minute off. This nearly killed me. I was gasping, my heart was hammering, and I was light headed.

But I did it, and I’m gonna do it again. 

Tomorrow though, is Ballroom Dancing!